Hi, now I am going to write in English for this writing was inspired by the work of famous motivator Sir Brendon Buchard and the ideas flow well while writing in it. Why I began to write about this is because I am struggling to survive the every day life of a woman, a wife, a mother, a PhD candidate, a colleague, a sister, an in-law and a person. I have followed the step by step guide of writing this so called the 'Transformation Truths' for I believe that I need to make changes from within in order to neutralize some negativities that somehow inevitable. This is a personal analysis and I personally responsible for it. As this writing relates to some personal issue that somehow relates to some specific people closer to me, I hope that these people would allow some space for me to express certain issue as a way to give solutions to some of my personal life challenges via expressions. Peace.
INTRODUCTION
1. Am I
closer to the life of my dreams this year than I was last year?
I
think the answer is NO because I found myself questioning fates all over again
which connotes my dissatisfaction over many things even though I have tried to
become a more thankful person every day.
My
dreams for the past two years were somewhat clear for I began my PhD journey
with the hope that I can be someone of value both in career and my time with
kids because I was made to believe that I would have a more flexible time
during my PhD journey to be with kids at the same time to reflects what is the
best in me that I could discover.
Indeed,
my choice to proceed with the journey proved to benefit both myself and my kids
for I have more time to ponder, reflects, forgive, rejuvenate as well as being
thankful to Allah SWT for His mercy for this life! Yeah, I have to do research,
read, write, re-read, re-write, research…again and again. I learnt that PhD is
just a PhD which cannot be a barrier to develop a better relationship with
family members.
Somehow,
I do mistakes but now I realized that I must learn something from there and
take it as a reminder that those are part of the PhD journey. With all the
dreams, efforts, mistakes and hopes, I am still positive that I now in the
right direction and I believe that with this right direction, rigour and perseverance,
I am closer to my dreams.
2. Have I
been charging ahead in life, standing still, or falling behind?
The
fact that I am working with this exercise shows that I am charging myself ahead
in life for I realized that nobody can move myself except me. I have to start
organize every thing, read, search, write and re- for every thing.
3.
Am I truly moving forward toward my
dreams, or am I simply conning myself into believing that I’m just “waiting for
the right time to make my move”?
I admit that I had
totally strayed from the right direction for the past six (6) months into some
online businesses, contests, busy with property search and failed to
consistently update my research to the extent that I forgot where I have done
and I found it unacceptable because I have to re-organize everything so that I
can start everything all over again for the sake of looking for the point where
I was supposed to continue.
WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?
“To move forward in my life again, the
first thing I have to do again is…”
ORGANIZE!
1.
The soft
copies of literatures
2.
The hard
copies of literatures
3.
The plan
and forecast of my study
4.
Write-Up
each day (4 hours)
5.
Focused
research (1 hour)
6.
All is
about clarify my plans and organize!
7.
To list MY
GOALS for each day!
EITHER YOU'RE MOVING FORWARD, OR NOT
The main
reason I am where I am in life right now is because I chose to…
1.
Marry him
As a
Muslim, marriage is a pure tie between a man and a woman. Hardships and
challenges are part of it and those are TESTs from Allah SWT. Some may find
marriage as difficult and decide to break the ties while some hold tight and
manage to get through married life through thick and thin. I am the second type
of person though rebellious. In fact, the greatest decision in my life is to whom I should marry because
the rest of my life would certainly relate to this relationship.
I still
choose to hold tight.
Surrender
to Allah SWT and accept the fate. If it is going to change, then, I put on
trust in Him that whatever that might become, and I am certain that it is
always best for me.
2.
Have them as our children
Again,
this is a matter of fate that I chose to cherish. Tests come along the way and
I surrendered myself to the Almighty Allah SWT in handling them. One test after
another really challenge my physical, mental and emotional stability which in
Allah’s Hands I PUT MY TRUST. I love my kids and I am trying my best as a mother.
3.
Be her daughter-in-law
Allah SWT
Has Given me the brain (‘aql) so that I can use it to think, analyse, give
ideas, discuss, criticize, evaluate anything and anyone on earth for the sake of
understanding nature of things and people before making assessment to make big
decisions in life. I admit that I only use 1% of my intellect in analysing her
before I made the decision to marry her son. I blame myself for being reckless
but I always believe in Allah SWT that I can make amend to the mistakes that I
have made before answering the call for return. Alhamdulillah for the tests cum blessings given by Allah SWT so far.
4. Make Bold Decisions
There are few bold decisions in my life
that I find very motivating. One of them is pursuing this PhD journey. Before
even started the first step, I kept telling myself that there are things that
have bigger priority than others. Knowing Allah SWT and knowing myself are two
separate but of related aspects before proceeded to the journey. Inside me is
truly the need to love and be loved. PhD is just a PhD, but love matters most.
My supervisor has a quality that suits
me and the life I am talking about. PhD is just a PhD. What matters most is
family relationship. Balance between the two is a preliminary condition to be
her student (my own hypothesis).
Besides chosing her as my PhD supervisor, I have also made a bold decision to purchase a bungalow house in Kelantan and become purchaser number two to an exclusive townhouse in Bandar Saujana Putra. These two bold decision were made out of courage against few attempts in life where I felt mistreated and in grave financial danger due to some external effort to control my financial condition.
4.
Spend a lot of my time with my kids
Although
I am on paid study leave, I seldom go to the law school. I spend most of my
time with the kids at home, in the car and involves in their school events for
Allah SWT. But, what matters most is the ability to evaluate things around us
and to conceptualize certain things in order to fully appreciate life. Research is part of this personal undertakings and none is superior than the other as I hold both in my two shoulders equally and I am responsible for that.
5.
Be financially independent (to be richer)
I may have made a big mistake by
trusting a stranger in commencing a business. It was my ego that carried me
away from depending on kinship involving my financial issue including commencing
all types of business without consultation from closed ones.
The fact is that, I do not even
trust my close relatives about business. Therefore, I put the trust to
strangers who are also no different from my relatives. Indeed, I have tried to
do another job while doing my PhD which is a sign that I will not complete my PhD. Now, 'I am going back to the right track'.
The intention was to improve my
financial condition. I only depend on myself on this because I try to prove
that surviving the hardships is possible and there must be a way to settle all
the problem without ever asking from other people’s help.
Indeed, my husband is a good
financial manager to himself who I should take the example. However, when it
comes to the fact that I was made to assist him in whatever situation that
needs my help, I thought that it might be always nice to think of raising my
value. There must be other way that is more appropriate for me to do.
Time, money, energy used to
increase the value is somehow a waste. I learn from that.
6.
Involve and participate in life changing schemes
(although risky)
Lesson : Take lesson and remember
that for life! I chose to learn the hard way and I am responsible for that.
The main
areas of my life where I seem to be spinning my wheels are…
1.
Teaching the foundation students, ePJJ, and PLK
students at UiTM as well as part-time students (adults) at UTM-Space. These may
increase my value of money.
- ePJJ : 1000/month including
travelling expenses
- UTM-Space : RM4000/semester
including travelling expenses
*Appearance must be given
appropriate attention for teaching requires clean, relax and fresh appearance.
2. Finishing school
Trainer
This is when I can be someone who can
inspire others. I just need to seriously look at how I communicate and how I
dress up. The benefit does not only towards the trainees but most importantly
it is for myself. It is the self-satisfaction that matters and that is the only
time I can prove to others my value while at the same time help me to save some
money. RM50/hour, I can get RM400. That is 10% of the monthly saving.
3. Kenegaraan Trainer
Kenegaraan
trainer increase my value by representing myself as a true public speaker both
in English and Malay. This can be my contribution towards the Malaysia Nation
and open the opportunity to unleash my potential to raise monetary value by
giving talks and hence writing a book. RM400/day is another 10% monthly savings
I can cover.
4.
Being a household Manager: wife, mother, maid,
gardener, decision-maker.
Everyone plays a role to give. I have decided that
I must give to my husband and kids as much as they need. Sincereity is my problems lately and I am self-improving my spiritual aspects along the way. I put trust in Allah
SWT for His continuous blessings and help throughout the journey of giving.
These are my free life-time service towards the
needy and they are readily accessible thus make it easier for me to contribute while
I am still alive.
2.
On-line business: Kopiah Kait, Kopi TGP and Best
Mobile
Business in Islam is when we do
sale and purchase with honour and dignity for having a certain amount of
profit. Never in Islam is allowed for Muslims to just see money as the subject.
It is about relationship and the product that was intended. Price cannot be
manipulated. I learn my mistake the hard way. From now on, I promise to myself
that I will never ever participate in the money game business. May Allah Bless
me for that.
The kopiah and the kopi are
products that I sell with the intention of helping my brothers and sisters
while gaining profit, though little, it can assist our economic value.
3.
Being in this PhD journey
One
of the biggest decision I have made in life is choosing to be in this PhD
journey. A big decision with blessings from my husband, mother in law, brothers
and sisters and all. It is destined this way that I have to do my PhD with my
family, a challenge to my physical, emotional and mental ability.
Yeah,
those are part of the journey. The real journey is to read and write and repeat
over and over again. Organize and manage everything so they are in order.
The
weight that I’ve been carrying around on my shoulders that has prevented me
from moving forward is…
1. Financial situation that caused me to do online business with
Facebook and whatsapp that really took away my focus towards completing my
write-up tasks given by the supervisor. I know it is not too late to put my
focus back and I know this has been the most weight I have been carrying for
the past six months.
2. The heart-feeling towards my husband which sometimes made me
the most ungrateful person I have ever known myself. Although I realize that
those are just emotional issues that everybody faces, but I know I can be
better if I change myself towards being more positive and accept the fact that
my husband has his own strengths and weaknesses, just like myself and be more
thankful with what is destined to me.
3. The heart feeling towards my mother-in-law is another
‘never-ending’ heart-feeling that I carry throughout this marriage. I know that
I can be better by just let it go and treat her like just the way a
mother-in-law should be treated by her DIL. I find that it is a very difficult
task which I think if I can totally erase all the heart feeling plus pray for
her wellbeing, I might be better at how I manage my heart feeling, my financial
freedom and my life! The fact that she is my husband’s mother open the issue
for me and I have to face it, like it or not.
4. The heart feeling towards my siblings as well as my husband’s
siblings. I find that both sides have given me some kind of heart feeling that
is not good to my wellbeing. I might just say that I am ok but truly in my
heart, there is something that says, “just
be careful with what you say”. That simply means, words of mouth can be
dangerous when I am with them, so, silence and careful say would be the best
option.
5. Afraid to do
what I was asked to do by my supervisor. Indeed, I have to look for books at
the library, shops, however, I am into Rabii’ah, my beloved daughter and be
with her most of the time. I couldn’t just parted with her. I feel the pain in
my heart. I feel very lonely and losing my focus that day.
The dream
that I absolutely must start moving toward once again is…
1. I want to have
that (DR) in front of my name : Dr Nurulhuda Adabiah Mustafa. “You can call me
Dr Huda”.
2. Outstanding in
front of my students : 200% prepared mentally, physically, emotionally, and
most of all knowledge and materials.
3. To be richer
than what my siblings and my husband’s siblings can achieve, not to show-off
but to prove that people like me and my husband can achieve something that is
worthwhile even though we may not be fully attended to their suggestions.
Examples: My brother really hoped that I do my master and PhD in UK (overseas)
while my in laws are fascinated with business and do suggest us to do the same
for our financial freedom. I want to be richer than these people for I believe
that each and every one of us is different, granted with different abilities,
strengths and weaknesses which cannot be mocked but must be assisted and
supported. I want us to be richer the way we are able to do.
4. To retain my status
as the servant of Allah SWT, a loyal wife, a perfect mother to my kids and the
excellent organizer of my own life.
The first
step I'm committed to taking right now is…
To set in my heart that I can
achieve whatever I want to be without attending to someone who is no longer
having the responsibility in me because
myself, my husband and my kids are the true ‘self’ that I have to take care of
right now where what is best for them is also the best for me. I can achieve
more from a beautiful heart that sees only the best in ‘US’ and support each
other the best that we can. Erasing hurtful memories is another supplement to
the beginning of new perspectives to achieve more in life.
Besides, I am also committed to
set in my mind that I can finish up my task as a PhD candidate on time even
though I have a super-busy husband who has little time with me and my kids
(which can sometimes affect my emotional well-being) and attentions that I have
to give to my kids with and without my husband around (which I believe I can
handle it as long as I have a strong emotional well-being and thankful with
what Allah has given me so far through our marriage).
This NEW SETTING of heart and
mind is another first step that I MUST do in order for me to keep in mind that
my husbands and kids are the natural gift from Allah SWT who I have to nurture
and to be thanked for while conducting my research as well as writing my
thesis.
EITHER YOU'RE DOING WORK YOU TRULY ENJOY, OR NOT
The
way I really feel about what I'm doing is...
PhD? Yeah! Somewhere into the
right direction, I guess! I just need to
find more materials (books) from the University libraries and stores to digest
about issues of ICH in Malaysia, that’s all! I feel OK about it and exciting to
a certain extent. I just need to make sure what books from which libraries and
which stores provide the related books! I may save a lot of time (not wasting
time and money of course!). Organizing all the materials; articles, journals,
books bot in soft copy, hard copy, in tables etc are a MUST from now. Get back
from start and organize everything so that I won’t be troublesome in my own
world of mistakes!
Besides, I feel guilty if I am
not fully attend to my write-up progress (4 hours each day from now on and that
is 12 moths more to go!). I know I am guilty if I let myself being carried away
with other stuff like the online business and ‘facebooking’ unless I can prove
with my written submission that my work is in a great progress! I need
blessings from Allah SWT, husband, supervisor, so I believe that I must endure
the hardships of writing to develop my writing and thinking skills so that I
can be a much better lecturer cum researcher cum facilitator cum trainer all in
one! “Dr Huda is coming, be prepared!”
So, I guess I have to start doing
the organizing, searching and write again!
The
real reason I'm doing what I'm doing now is because...
My destiny has been written down
with the prayer that I made long time ago, I can’t remember, though, but I
believe in that! So, whatever I do today is affected by what I wanted to do
many years ago.
Life changes and I have to adapt
myself to it. I was grown up as a kid who needs to attend schools up to the
highest level. That was what my father told me before he passed away.
What I am doing right now is PhD
tasks and challenges (that most of the time I end up doing my online business
and facebooking). There is guilt is not sufficing the task by the given
deadlines and I want to get rid of these attitudes; hanky panky in my studies
(since I was in primary schools!).
Yes, I am a mother of four and a
super-busy husband to take care of but I still want to take this PhD challenge
as part of my life experience and as part of challenging my ego! But what is
PhD? Is it just an academic achievement of a lecturer to move further with her
research, hence advancement in her career as well as salary increase? Nope. It
is a supplement of a person that is me. That is why I choose to stay in this
journey although I lose focus so many times. I hope from this hour until the
end of the journey, I will have that focus!
With PhD, I may get my DM52 with
the salary of RM6000/month! That’s ok for us! I may choose to do business but
that’s a different life journey that we are talking about. That’s about money.
The brain capability can also be escalated to a much better level by
recognition (motivation), teaching (sharing session and delivering knowledge
for those who acquire) and exercise of the brain. I believe, the brain function
better if it is used to think critically and there is no end to it because it
is a great gift to each one of us. My reputation would be better (not to show
off or whatever!) for the purpose of self-satisfaction and to be a better
Muslim.
If
I continue doing what I'm doing, five years from now I'm going to be the type
of person who...
If I truly continue
(persistently, without losing my focus towards Facebook and online business of
course!), five years from now, I am going to be the type of person who I always
dreamt of, Associate Professor Dr Nurulhuda Adabiah Mustafa! (DM54 with the
salary of RM7000-8000)!. Along with that, my children would see me as their
STRENGTH to move forwards! Strength in the form of independence, doing charity,
saving for Hajj and have discipline in life!
Besides, I will be a lecturer
with that title (Associate Professor Dr) at the age of 39-40, a great
achievement and motivational element towards other around me and I want to be
just like that, looking young and energetic, 200% ready and prepared before
teaching, presentation and meetings so that I can prove to myself and the world
that my brain functions really well. It is just that it works slow than it is
supposed to.
A dreamt partner of my husband
while at the same time retaining the vitality of the most supportive woman ever
in his life! Such achievement in no way a road towards being BAD to the family
institution, I pray.
Whenever
I talk about the way I spend my time, I always wish I'd spend more time...
I
always wish I had spent more time reading and writing at the same time,
rigorously, persistently and meticulously (as supervised by my supervisor).
Along with that, organization is done every day at the end of the very day
(maybe at 1 o’clock) to ensure the smooth flow of the next day (planned and
organized).
I
experience failure at managing time for the past six (6) months due to some
emotional imbalances (refer to previous topic) that made me truly surrendered
to the loneliness and sad situations which if ignored would absolutely ‘fatal’
to my future. Emotional imbalances would lead to financial and relationship
issues and also distress! Why? Because I started to be carried away with online
business and joining the contests which also need attention and time from me!
Along
with reading, writing and organizing, I wish I could consistently do my solat
Dhuha (12 rakaat), complete 5 times prayer, do my solat sunat after maghrib,
read the quran after maghrib, solat witir after ‘isya, do my solat tahajjud, be
kind to husband, in laws, siblings and relatives, and be thankful that Allah
has given me the time to be His servant and Bless me with my family and the PhD
journey. These, I believe are the supplement to my happy family and the success
of my PhD journey.
The
things that completely absorb my attention and interest when I get into them
are...
1. The messages from Allah SWT and His Messenger Muhammad SAW
(the Message). For a Muslim like me, anything that I do in this world (dunya)
must always relate to the Message. This includes my family and my PhD journey.
It is like, I am lost if my way of life and what I am searching for cannot be
related to the Message. The Message need to be digested and to be summarised to
what the way of life I am in and to the research of my study. The Message
always absorb my attention and interest when I get into them, anytime, anywhere
and in anything.
2. Kids
3. My career
4. Money
5. Organization and Management of my life, my PhD Journey and
anything related to them.
To
truly enjoy my work and lead other people more effectively, I would have to...that they could feel accepted
and energized was.(SOMEWHERE ELSE).
1. Create a conducive surrounding like for
example, if I would read and write facing the ocean, I would have more focus.
Just like if I have no worries towards my kids, then I would certainly able to
sit down, read and write whatever is required from me. Being alone is not the
solution but being relaxed is the most important element for me to get going
with my research work. What I mean is that, I have no problem being surrounded
with kids while I do my work, but I certainly need to ensure beforehand that my
kids are in safe condition before I start to do the work. In other words, I
need someone to actually assist me to look after my kids just in case I am so
into my work that the kids would feel neglected. I do not want that to happen.
I know that my husband is unable to attend to it, so I am suggesting that there
is someone who can really observe my kids even while I am around for my
research needs my attention as much as the kids wants it. 50-50. It is for the
best! I need to do something for my living but I always need to ensure that the
paramount consideration is given to the kids.
2. To keep on motivating and inspiring
myself and my husband about we want to achieve, so that we would see how
crucial our work are to the well-being of the family.
3. To pray at all times so that the
aspiration to be better each day would not be destroyed by the environment as
well as my emotional well-being. Indeed, emotional well-being is another
crucial factor for my success!
EITHER YOU ARE TRULY BEING YOURSELF, OR NOT
A time
when I felt that I was being completely authentic was when…
1. I went to Makkah
and Madinah, recite the whole pages of the Quran, walk to and fro Masjidil
Haram and Masjid Nabawi without fear with or without company, (read more on my
writing on ‘Umrah’).
2. I am surrounded
with my husband’s best buddies: we do zikr, recite al-Quran, eat, drinks and
have wonderful talks. I feel very comfortable with them. None others give me
that feeling of self-acceptance! They know I do my PhD and they know very well
about my family. I certainly feel completely authentic when I am with them
anytime, anywhere.
3. I am with my
supervisor. Nothing to hide. Everything must be transparent so that she might
get the clear picture of who I am, how I do my work and at the same time
respecting her as my ‘teacher’.
4. I was with late
Kak Mashitah. She was warm, friendly and compassionate. I cannot but surrender
to her kindness. How I miss her!
5. I am with my
husband and kids. Nothing to hide and I vakue myself as the strongest woman on
earth!. With them, I feel like I am the most important person in this world. I
cannot but surrender myself to the authenticity of myself: dare to wear
whatever easy to wear (stylish? Far from that), eat whatever I want, how much I
want and show off my most unaccepted weaknesses ever known to the world, FAT!!
6. I am surrounded
with SRII Hira’ staffs. I feel so comfortable by being myself with them.
I always
know when I’m acting authentically, because I…
1. Feel the
comforts
2. Sense the
positive aura
3. Smile most of
the time
4. Do things freely
without having the fear of hurting, destroying or doing mistakes
5. Give my ideas
and opinions easily without the fear of being mocked
6. Feel relief
7. Love to be
sincere
One area
of my life where I’m consistently adapting and acting like someone else is when…
1. I have to clothe myself with apparels that make me
uncomfortable just to fulfil certain requirements as well as to satisfy the
taste of certain people.
2. I have to organise/advise dinner event and attend dinner at
the Faculty of Law which spontaneously allow the devils in me to control myself
3. Attending business seminar where everybody seems to be very
enthusiastic about selling products and making money. I participated because I
want to learn something but not to do something extraordinary because I already
on a destined path that is already extraordinary for me.
If I
continue to show the world a facade and keep underutilizing my strengths, I’ll
end up…
1. Regretting
2. Unknown
3. Losing precious
friends
4. Losing
opportunities
5. Doing something
not benefitting to self
6. Not happy
7. Losing money for
I may not discover the true potential which in turn profitable
8. Feeling empty
The last
time I lit myself up, I turned my energy on, and helped fire other people up so
that they could feel accepted and energized was...
1. At facebook where I LIKED, SHARED and COMMENT beautiful status
such as from Brendon Buchard’s status as well as status about the ‘Message’.
2. Whatsapp message with Ayah Su who send me messages of advise,
motivation, inspiration and reminder and so do I.
3. When I get involved in CONTESTS!
4. The last time I met my supervisor when she guide me on what to
write from her perspectives that really lit me up which in turn energize me
that made me feel that I am on the right track.
EITHER YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE TRULY SUPPORTING YOU, OR NOT
The
people in my life who are treating me poorly are…
1. In-Laws – I guess the hear feeling is the sign that people are
treating me badly or at least not treating me nicely like a person should be treated.
As Muslims, love is the essential thing. If ‘hatred’ is allowed to interfere in
the relationship, then heart-broken is inevitable. I am ready to forgive
anyone, anytime but I am afraid if I end up my life with all those heart feelings.
Maa syaa Allah, I should love all of you and you should show some mercy towards
me as a new member to the family. Ma syaa Allah, let Allah SWT show us the
light.
2. Colleagues – A friend
in need is a friend indeed.
3. Business person
4. Unknown people
5. Siblings in
certain ways
I’ve
allowed these people to treat me this way by…
1. Helping them
2. Being kind to
them
3. Believing them
If I
ended or dramatically altered these relationships, I would start to feel…
1. Relaxed
2. Secured
3. Free
4. Rich
5. Awesome!
The
relationships in my life that are truly supporting my well-being and growth are
the ones I have with…
1. Husband
2. Kids
3. Rujhan
4. Kak Su
5. As
6. Arwah Mama Papa
7. Husband’s best
buddies
8. Friends :
Nordianah Bachok, Zuraini Dollah, Some colleagues
Five
people I need to approach to have as mentors and motivators are...
1. Husband
2. Brendan Buchard
3. Husband’s best buddies
4. Mak Su
EITHER YOU TRULY BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, OR YOU DO NOT
If I
started believing a little more in myself, I’d be much likelier to…
1. Excellent with
flying colours in my PhD studies
2. Enjoy abundance
of joy and money
3. Be slimmer and
healthy
4. Having full
control of my life
5. Not depending on
others to survive
If I keep
beating myself up all the time, I’m going to end up…
1. Tired and
helpless
2. Feeling useless
and do a damn bad things
3. Feel guilty all the
time
4. Honouring the
wrong persons
5. Neglecting those
who deserve my love and attention
6. Troubling my own
life
What I'm
most proud of in my life is...
1. Having educated
and respected siblings
2. Able to begin my
PhD journey after those very long life journey
3. Having four
beautiful kids
4. Having a
handsome and educated husband
5. Having a great
career (lecturer)
6. Manage to
overcome problems arose from my lack lustred attitude!
7. Stand-Up after
beaten up by so many tragedies
8. When I start writing
although I know I am not good at it
If I had
more confidence in myself, the first damn thing I'd go out and do is...
1. Organize the
files (soft and hard)
2. Go to the
library/stores and buy books
3. READ and WRITE!
4. Submit the paper
to my supervisor!
5. Register and
attend conference!
EITHER YOU ARE TRULY FIT AND VIBRANT, OR NOT
If I felt
more vibrant and energetic throughout the day, I'd be more likely to....
1. Start doing my
work
2. Exercise!
3. Meet people
4. Solat Sujud
Syukur/Dhuha
5. Smile and Kind
towards people
6. Cheer my kids
and husband
7. Call my MIL and
loved ones
If I made
a real choice to be vibrant in life, the first thing I'd do is...
1. To make sure that I have 200K in ASB, 20K in Tabung Haji for
myself, 2K each in my kids Tabung Haji, Settle my personal loan of 220K and can
save up to 10% continuously in the Awfar account so that I may be entitles to
enter the 1,000,000 contest! Hahahaha.
2. Groom myself and find the perfect size clothings, perfectly
muslimah that represent real me in those!
3. Go out at least 2 times a week to do my research work at the
university with the hope that I can the positive aura from there.
4. Give my personal touch to our house so that it looks fresh,
energetic and full of love.
5. Keep on solat Dhuha 12 rakaat each day while not forgetting to
do my research work.
6. Start wrting!
The
amount of food I consume each day is making me feel...
1. Sick
2. Bad
3. Unhealthy
From now
on, I'm going to choose foods that are...
1. Easy to be
digested. Full of fibre and minerals.
2. Lots of water.
3. Antioxidant
4. Healthy
I could
find more time to workout in the week if I just...
1. Do it (no
excuse) – wake up at 5am, drink some water, take a deep breath, and do some
exercise! 20 minutes are worth the early wake.
2. Wake up (at
3.30am) and perform Tahajjud, Hajat, Taubat, Istikharah so that mild exercise
could help me to purify the soul and the body at the same time. 30 minutes will
be worth the effort and TAQWA.
3. Just Do It –
Sidai Kain, sapu sampah, kemas rumah. 1-2 hour would be a good exercise for
body and soul.
4. Continued by 2-4
hours of writing exercise would definitely train the brain!
5. Rest before
Zohor 1-1.30 would be fine I guess.
6. Do the rest
(responsibilities).
7. Sincere and the
workout will work well for me.
If I keep
handling my finances the way I am today, in twenty years I'll be….
1. A pensioner with
no money to perform Hajj and to do charity.
2. Millionaire?
The
reason I'm not paying more attention to saving and investing is…
1. Fed up with how
I allow people to control my financial situation. I just let myself entertain
them no matter who they are and no matter how they treat me! Let’s say MIL. I
know she has been the cause for my emotional distress but yet, I let myself
being kind to her just to please Allah SWT (May Allah Bless) and with the hope
that my husband also get blessed with my act. Unfortunately, I keep on blaming
others for my financial situation. Somehow, it is my fault not to put a
consistent effort to save that 10% (400 out of 4000). I end up use that savings
even though it is meant for that Tabung Haji. How bad I am! You name it:
i. TABUNG HAJI
ii. ASB
iii. BANK RAKYAT
iv. BANK ISLAM
AL-AWFAR
v. RHB BANK
vi. MAYBANK
But no money in those! How awfull!
I HAVE NO DISCIPLINE! I WANT TO CHANGE MY ATTITUDE! I WANT TO
SAVE THAT 10% SOMEWHERE. OR MAYBE I CAN USE THE TRICK! SAVE IN ASB AND CUT THE
BOOK FOR THREE YEARS!!! SO DOES THE TABUNG HAJI, right?
The
person I should call to help me with my finances is…
1. Husband BECAUSE HE OWE ME (what happen to LOVE? That "I will do anything for you"? I guess I need to repair this relationship for my intention at the very beginning of marriage is to give mercy, prosperities and kindness to him and people he loved so far. I hope, before he or I die, I may be given the strength to realize that and I will return to Allah in peace.
2. Rujhan, but I
have decided not to rely on him anymore because he has done a lot to help me so
far in my life.
I hope not to rely on others including my husband. I want to
give, it makes me happy!.
The first
thing I need to do to add more value at work is…
1. Do the part time
teaching:-
i- ePJJ –
RM1000/month (RM4000/semester)
ii- UTM-space –
RM4000/semester
iii- Online business
(as a hobby) less than 2 hours a day – RM100/month
The
organizations that I could partner with to grow my business are...
1. UiTM, INED
(RM1000/month) – Loan Rumah top-up sewa RM1500
2. UTM-Space
(RM4000/semester) - Haji
3. Are-Non : Kopiah
Kait
4. Are-Man : Kopi
TGP
5. Ma : Lok-Ching
A problem or fear that I’ve been
backing down from lately is…
1.
Financial
problem is the main cause for my backing-up for the past six (6) months. I
regret the waste of time backed up by this problem. Only today that I realize
how I have to begin stepping forward even though the problem is not settled by
today. I hope and will work for adding more values in my work soon just to
settle the problem because I look for nobody to this kind of problem.
2.
Misunderstood
the way of supervising from my dear supervisor. Well, she did what is right on
her behalf as a supervisor. It is just me who is lost for the past six(6)
months. I lose focus because I put a lot of my time trying to step into online
business which I believed (at that time) could be one of the solution to the
main problem that I faced.
3.
Disorganization
of lots of things – files, documents, articles, mendeley whatsoever. I just
lost my contact with my research. I just need to start organizing the whole
thing from scratch!
4.
I have not
attended any conferences, seminar or any event related to my research. At
first, I was so energized to do all that for I believe that my enthusiasm at
meeting people from all over the world would indirectly spark the motivational
aspect inside me. My supervisor saw that those things are ‘trashes’ if I myself
do not show my rigour in finishing a paper that is related to her area. At
first, I really am prejudiced to her selfishness and to write for her own
merit! However, I realized that this is just a PhD, where a PhD candidate is
learning on how to do research with the help from a supervisor. She might
suggest an area that she herself has an expertise in it and ask me to write
about it. I should have SINCERELY followed her suggestion and write them up
SINCERELY too without ever questioned the relevancy of the topic to my research
area. This, I must settle within myself first. I need to start SINCERELY let go
what I want to enjoy and follow the requirement of finishing up the PhD study
first.
5.
I have
prejudices all over myself and others, including my husband and even KIDS!
Sometimes. I know that my emotional well-being could be better achieved by not
having this kind of prejudices but prejudices are alluring particularly when I
am alone in the house (supposedly used for writing). I ended up thinking
negative things that finally lead to wasting a lot of time and energy (from
worrying, whasapping, so many things).
The thing I must do right now in order
to step up to this problem or fear is…
1.
To back-up
from certain people or at least loosen the ties a little bit just to relax and
let off the burden of loving people who do not even bother about my heart
feeling.
2.
Save that
10%
3.
Just follow
what your supervisor says. The end is near. Just do it sincerely. Be strong
about this.
4.
Do the
organization thing EVERYDAY so the next day would be more quality.
5.
Keep on
performing Dhuha and Tahajjud and zikr Allah more strongly.
A person in my life from whom I have
been backing down lately is…
1.
My
supervisor
2.
My husband
3.
Mother in
law
4.
In-Laws
5.
Siblings
6.
Some
friends
7.
Kids
If I truly believed in myself, I’d step
up to this person and say…
To
my supervisor: “Dr, sepatutnya dari awal saya tidak meragui hubungan
supervior-supervisee antara kita. Huda tidak ikhlas dalam tidak sedar
sebenarnya dan bukan sengaja. Huda tidak ikhlas menuruti nasihat Dr kerana Huda
prejudis terhadap kaedah Dr. Hakikatnya, PhD ini Cuma tempoh untuk Huda belajar
buat research, jadi tak sepatutnyalah Huda berasa tidak ikhlas apabila Dr
meminta Huda tulis berkenaan tajuk yang ada kaitannya dengan area Dr. Huda yang
rugi kerana sampai sekarang Huda belum siap apa-apa paper. In syaa Allah, Huda
lebih ikhlas lepas ni kerana Huda nak habiskan pengajian ini secepat mungkin.
Huda dah taka da masa nak prejudis supervisor yang sememangnya bertugas untuk
memastikan supervisee berada di landasan yang benar dalam bidang ini. Maffkan
Huda, ye Dr. Huda manusia biasa yang berdosa dan berbuat kesilapan. Semoga
Allah merahmati hubungan kita.”
To
my husband: “Sayang sudah redha dengan ketentuan Allah SWT bahawa Abang sebagai
seorang suami yang perlu sibuk di tempat kerja sehingga memerlukan kudrat
saying menguruskan sebahagian besar hal-ehwal rumahtangga. Sayang juga sudah
redha dengan ketentuan Allah SWT yang mengirimkan ibu mertua dan ipar duai
sebagai penghubung silaturrahim melalui perkahwinan kita berdua. Sayang juga
sudah redha dengan ketentuan Allah SWT untuk sentiasa berada di sisi Abang
bersama anak-anak iaitu tidak ke luar negara untuk belajar atau membuat kajian
semata-mata untuk memastikan Abang tidak terbeban dengan urusan anak-anak dan
anak-anak pula tidak kesepian tanpa ibu di sisi. Sayang juga sudah redha dengan
ketentuan Allah SWT menjadikan kita pasangan suami isteri yang saling
melengkapi dalam senang mahupun sukar. Walaupun sukar, kita sentiasa dapat
harunginya bersama. Sayang doakan agar Abang dapat meneruskan pengajian
peringkat PhD Abang dengan baik dan Berjaya menghabiskannya dengan cemerlang.
Sayang pula berazam untuk mengumpul 10% daripada gaji Sayang untuk bekalan masa
hadapan secara konsisten (400x12x5=24K) dalam akaun rahsia Sayang yang mana
bukunya akan Sayang gunting dan buang sehinggalah tahun 2020. Atas sebab itu
juga Sayang akan lebih rajin untuk tambah nilai melalui pengajaran sambilan di
INED dan UTM-Space untuk menampung perbelanjaan kita di waktu susah atau
senang. Terima kasih sebab sudi nak bayar (walaupun belum terjadi) 220K hutang
Sayang dengan bank demi untuk melihat kembali sinar di wajah Sayang yang
sememangnya murung dan kurang berseri akibat bebanan demi bebanan yang digalas.
Semoga ia jadi kenyataan. Seandainya ia tidak berlaku, doakanlah Sayang dapat
berbuat sesuatu untuk membantu diri sendiri selesaikan masalah itu. Doakanlah
Sayang.”
Mother-In-Law
: “Kak Long redho denge Abe Long, Ma, Abah, adik-adik. Banyok Kak Long belaja
pasaa hidup. Jange mudoh ccayo kkoghe, jange mudoh sangak nok hulor pitih,
jange dok haghak sangak oghe nok saye ko kito, jange malah, jange bbazir, jange
nngato kkoghe, jange nyyupoh kokghe. Gapo hok tok molek tubik kouk muluk kito
ni buleh ko kito balik. Kalu kito kkecek molek, kito jadi molek. Kalu kito
kkecek hudowh, kito jadi hudowh. Kalu kito dok ddendae nga oghe, hati kito
sakik, tubuh kito sakik. Sapa ko bilo kito tok ghaso senae, sapa ko bilo kito
dok ghaso bahagio. Allah buat kita ssekin bukae nok mitok ikot dae, kito ssekin
ni keno banyok mitok nga Tuhae bukae menasio. Ni tidok, koho susosh koho jauh
nga Tuhae, mmain bbomo, dok nyyupoh2 kokghe ddepae anok. Hudoh benaa la Ma
mung. Kak Long redho denge banyoknyo ilmu hok Kak Long buleh ddepae mato. Dae
lagilah Kak Long amal dale hidop gapo hok Kak Long blaja nge Ma, Abah nge
adik-adik.”
Kids:
“Mama redho jadi ibu kalian. Banyak bekal pahala yang boleh Mama bawa ke
akhirat nanti. Maafkan Mama atas segala salah dan silap Mama. Mama doakan
anak-anak Mama bahagia dunia akhirat, kaya dunia akhirat, beriman dunia
akhirat, cemerlang dunia akhirat. Mama sayang anak-anak Mama sokmo.”
Certain
friends: “All the best to you. Pray for me and hope we can meet at the success
point.!”
If I started stepping up to all the
problems and people I’ve been avoiding in my life, I would feel…
1.
Rejoice
2.
Relax
3.
Free
4.
Rejuvenate
5.
Organized
and Managed
6. Psychologically and physiologically healthy.
By Allah Wishes, All Can be Done.
By Allah Wishes, All Can be Done.
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